GP

Things that have happened so far on my GP rotation

1) Me: "Hello, what brings you here today?"
Woman: "hi, I hate my job."
Me: "................ok. What would you like to do about that?"
Woman: "I dunno. I thought you would know."

2) Two small children roll about on my lap. One wipes its nose on the back of my cardigan while another grabs hold of my thigh and rubs her face on it. Then sneezes into it. Their mother is detailing exactly how many men she has slept with this month and how 'there's this weird cauliflower in my vag, but it's not warts, is it? tell me it's not warts. I've had warts before." Me: "Sounds like warts." Her: "HOW CAN YOU KNOW? How can you possibly know?"

3) My GP takes me to see a patient in lunchtime and ends up buying a fireplace.

4) Woman: "I'm bleeding from my anus."
Me: "Ok. Shall we get you on the bed and I can examine you?"
I draw back the curtain to find her standing with her cheeks spread between her hands, bent over the bed.
Woman: "Is this how you wanted me?"
Me: ":-O"

5) Woman: "I think my son is brain damaged."
Me: "Why?"
Woman: "He's got a headache. And occasionally he sticks his tongue out when he's thinking."
Me: "Right."
Lengthy neuro exam later.
Me: "Everything's normal. I think he has a squint. That is probably causing his headache."
Woman: "Are you qualified? Like, as in a real doctor?"

6) Me: "I see it says here you have chest pain."
Man: "No, that's just because I was embarrassed. I actually have worms."

7) My GP takes me to see a patient in lunchtime and buys a piano.

8) Woman: "I need antibiotics."
Me: "What for?"
Woman: "Never you mind what for."


1 week down. 12 to go.