Driving test tomorrow.

Oh my frick.

I think it will probably be fine, because I have resigned myself to failing and taking this on the chin as a character-building experience. I passed my mock last week with 12 minors (12! Any less than 15 means....I've been trying too hard?) and felt great (you may wonder why, given the 12 minors. This was my peak), and now I have been really dismal. Really, really dismal. In fact if I fail I feel like it would be totally justified, as I cannot really cope with driving. The problem is, however, that I feel like I just cannot cope with driving in general and I may have reached my all-time peak last week, the peak of my driving achievement not only to date but also forever into the future, and henceforth should never be allowed to drive again. I wish I had videotaped it and put it on a plinth or something so I'd have something to remember it by.

Man. It was beautiful. My driving instructor said things like, "Yeeeaaaaaah" and "Beeeooootiful" and "I can tell you've been practising" whereas today he made reassuring noises like the noises an experienced stablehand makes to quiet an unusually skittish pony who is generally quite skittish as a rule but today has been given large doses of anabolic steroids by accident instead of mush and said things like, "I'll give you the pep talk tomorrow" and "WOAH what's up ahead?" and "Of course if a cyclist had been there you would have mashed his brains all across the road" and so on. Ok, so I'm joking about the last one, that is merely an insight into what my brain is graphically imagining each time I turn the ignition on any motorised vehicle. Still. He also said, "don't waaarry about it loads of people plateau or get shitter just before their test and they're fiiiine" and he was saying it in a mock-cockney accent because he had just asked me to follow for ring-road Laaaahndahn. It was not reassuring.

Anyway, happy thoughts. On the weekend I went to lovely Maja's birthday party and it was lovely, and I started the BBQ adequately despite not being a man. UP YOURS PATRIARCHY (Robert). There were literally 100000000000000000 wasps in her bedroom and so I did not get very much sleep, and came back to Oxford and immediately practised some driving and then went up the hill, ate two bowls of ice cream, one giant bowl of sausage and pasta and fell asleep immediately.

I woke up on Monday with a horrible headache and then practised some more driving during which I did not kill anyone, drank half a bottle of Riesling, went swimming and got a terrible headache, and then went for a picnic. Note to self; never again. At the picnic I met several people who had passed their driving test first time and wanted to die, partly because I still had the headache and all there was to drink at the picnic was Pinot Grigio. Life is hard. Thought about driving.

My cousin came to visit on Tuesday and we Did Oxford Comprehensively. Cannot believe am going to give up Bod card so soon. Feel so much stuff yet to do. Want to sit in rad cam one last time or similar. Man. Sloped off halfway through to do more driving practice. Was truly terrible. Came back to go to Christchurch evensong, which was even worse than my driving. Luckily cousin really enjoyed it, so that was something - she left today at 2:30 after yet more Comprehensive Oxfording (punt, tower, edamame - what a restaurant) and I went driving again for 2 hours, which passed in an eyeblink. Man. Oh man. If I were religious I would be praying right now. Instead, all I have to distract me is Waitrose.

Well, update at 9 tomorrow! I feel quite certain that I am about to fail so am not actually that anxious. I just wish it would be all over. I have also made my driving instructor promise that no matter what happens he will not put his head into his hands and cry, as he did to Sophie. Little things.

xxx