All by myself,

because Tim's on nights again. Naturally, I spent the time reading Stephen King and then couldn't get to sleep. Classic. Though hands up who knew Stephen King is such a good writer? I'd sort of trashed him into a Genre I would Never Read into my head but he is a brilliant plot worker, and uncannily astute, putting his finger on the pulse of what makes your flesh creep. So perfect to read by yourself at midnight after a long shift at work in an empty house. Good one, Han. Clever Connie.

***

Last weekend, gentle readers, it rained and rained and rained. Rain in New Zealand! I know you British readers are secretly rejoicing at the idea of this. We sat and moped because we couldn't think of anything you'd do in NZ when it rained. Quad biking? Surfing? Skiing? Kayaking? Everything fun seemed kind of damp and sad in the rain. Until we remembered caving.

Caving!

Nothing can go wrong in caving when it's torrential rain outside, right? You're already inside. And, flash floods, well, we'll probably just float to the top.

So we went caving.

In a boat!

Lies, that was just the motel we stayed in. A ship motel!
You may have noticed it is spectacularly sunny in that picture. Don't worry. Let me show you another one.

This is the day before, when it rained.

Those are hobbit holes.

The Shire was filmed round these parts. Though those aren't the actual hobbit holes. Those are just some spin off hobbit holes designed to trap unwary tourists with more cash than sense, and boy, did we want to be trapped. But it turned out other tourists with more cash than sense had got there before us and they were all booked out. So we had to go to the ship.

Wait a sec, is that a plane?? A plane motel?? We could stay in a plane motel??????

I'm just messing with you. I mean yes, it is a plane motel. But clearly we were too grown up for such fripperies. We were going on a boat (a m**********ing boat.)

The inside of the boat was mysteriously all in sepia, giving it an oldey look very appropriate to the situation. Well done, boat. Well done.

These photos are on my new point and shoot, btw. They're not as good. But they'll do, pig. They'll do.

Speaking of a pig.

There was a house pig on the boat. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was pretty much the best weekend of my life.

And we haven't even got to the caving yet.

****

An even better upside to not being able to go skiing or surfing was that I got a lie in on Saturday morning, a Much Needed Lie In. I've been working and playing flat out and not daring to miss a thing in this speedily, too speedily passing year, and I was EXHAUSTED, man. I just wanted to lie in with Tim and get up and have breakfast at noon. And that is exactly what we did. And it was amazing.

We had eggs benedict with asparagus and also a fruit bowl and also yoghurt and also vietnamese coffee and also porridge. 

And also cough syrup, conveniently placed to my left. 

And then I had to go on a 4 hour car journey through windy windy NZ roads (state highway 4, the 4th biggest highway in NZ, is basically a single track road that is more windy than a droopy noodle that got caught up inside a tumbledrier) and I was more carsick than you could possibly imagine. Luckily I was accompanied by another equally suffering passenger, which made it slightly better - there's nothing quite as bad as feeling nauseous all by your lonesome. We just lolled around in the back, whimpering pathetically for four hours, me with my eyes tightly shut, Cat staring at the road for all she was worth. 

And then we got to the caves.

Holy shit!

They were amazing. They were just amazing. We abseiled down (it was pretty scary) and did a zip wire into a completely dark cave full of glow worms, and we paddled down a FREEZING underwater river with a pretty damn strong current, and we floated along in tubes, and we ate chocolate (and also got hot orange squash poured down the backs of our wetsuits in an attempt to keep us warm. A FUTILE attempt I might add), and we climbed out - no ropes, no safety harness, nothing - over 2 waterfalls, straddling the waterfall like one of those action movies where people climb up a chimney by putting hands and feet on either side. And all the while I kept thinking, I'm so grateful this is New Zealand and there is no health and safety here. Can you imagine this taking place in any other country? We are underground, climbing over waterfalls, in darkness. I am SO HAPPY!!!!

And afterwards we went home, and I ate dinosaur pasta.

It was tasty.

Oh man, I wish you guys were all here with me! You would LOVE it! Not just the dinosaur pasta. All of it. Maybe not the cough syrup. Though it is surprisingly effective. But otherwise, pretty much all of it. 

The end :-)