Asparagus season!

Oh, asparagus season! Tasty tasty asparagus season! How I love you! I love you!

I am in asparagus raptures. 

On Wednesday I was dying of jealousy because Tom Robson had posted a picture of some delicious asparagus he was eating in England.

I thought about winter in New Zealand.

Cabbage.

Pumpkin.

I like them both, but it was getting wearing.

More pumpkin.

Not very tasty squash (perhaps it was ornamental, Pooley.)

Leeks.

Winter winter winter vegetables. I was sick of winter vegetables. 

And after I gazed in dark and glowering envy at Tom's delicious asparagus (is it asparagus or asparaguses? Also, and perhaps more importantly, is there innuendo in the previous sentence?) I went to New World to do my sad winter vegetable shop.

And THERE THEY WERE.

So beautiful!

Imagine that, but a MILLION of them. All green and delicious and asparagusy.

And very reasonably priced too.

And as well as asparagus, there were green beans, and all sorts of mushrooms. And, strangely, pineapples. 

Spring! Springen is icumen in!

Naturally I bought everything.

And then after that I went to my nearest fishmonger, which is called Deli-ca-Sea. I know, gentle readers, you will all find this as hilarious as I did. Which is to say, not that hilarious, but it grows on you. By degrees, over weeks, you grow accustomed to the idea: it no longer vexes you: you are no longer distressed by the concept. One day you find yourself telling someone the name and expecting some kind of acknowledging smile in return. Socially speaking, it's like a fishy version of dinosaur comics.

Only Kirsty will know what this means. But she knows.

Moving on swiftly, Delica-Sea is the most upper middle shop I have ever come across with its fresh scallops and its parmesan and rosemary breadcrumbs and pink sea salt (is it like pink lemonade and pink champagne?) and other items of which I had heard but rumours of. I wandered around the shop with my mouth open like this :-O and was accosted by a friendly man who wanted to know if I was having a nice day and if I needed help choosing a tasty fish to eat.

It turned out I did. 

New Zealand fish are different from our fish!

The main difference is that they are all locally sourced and therefore I hadn't a fricking clue what the hell any of them were. Next, they arestrange colours, like green, because they all eat kelp or somesuch. And are called things like butterfish. And other names that are more difficult to spell or pronounce. Like tarkeierekreninincekininininin. Or something. 

I did not recognise the majority of the fish I saw in the fishmonger's, and there were only 6 types. Argh! Of the two I recognised, one was monkfish, and the other was a John Dory, which might be the silliest looking fish ever, the kind of fish you draw when you're 5. I had no idea how to cook John Dory. Nevertheless, I seriously contemplated buying it and then leaving forever and never, ever returning because I was so embarrassed at my fishy ineptitude.

Me: "HELP ME. Which one is tasty?"

Fish guy: "Well, they're all tasty.:

Me: "I KNEW YOU WOULD SAY THAT. THAT HASN'T HELPED ME AT ALL."

Fish guy: "Why don't you buy the monkfish?"

Me: "OK!"

I buy the monkfish and leave the store in a panic and then realise I have no idea how to cook monkfish and seem to remember someone telling me once that monkfish was really hard to cook and tasted like poo. It's too late now though obviously because I pretended to the man in the shop that I knew all about monkfish and now I can't possibly go back and ask him what to do.

All I can think is: Jamie Oliver will help me. 

***

Jamie Oliver is truly the saint of all inept British people who don't know what to do with fish as his channel 4 programme was quite brilliant and wonderful and made me love him even more. Yes, I love Jamie Oliver. He is so earnest and dad-like and loveable. I love him. That's an end to the matter.

Anyhow, Jamie taught me how to cook monkfish and that was all good and proper. And as I sat there eating my monkfish and choi sum and other asian vegetables, I thought

I love New Zealand.

Say it loud and say it proud! 

It's a flipping awesome country.

Just on the subject of food, I love how seasonal food is. I love how exciting it is when asparagus comes into season. I love that you have to wait for it and it's something special. I love that everything is locally sourced.

I love that every animal is grass pastured and free range (more or less.)

I love that the fish comes from the New Zealand coast and not trawled in the Atlantic. 

I love that restaurants have strict seasonal menus.

And I love asparagus.

I love it so much that I cooked it and I boiled an egg and I put lemon juice and olive oil and salt and pepper over it. 

And also some cheese. 

You can never have too much cheese.

Look at that cheese!

I love it so much that I took 4 photos of it. 4. 

What kind of saddo does that make me?

Answer: a very happy one.

This is literally the best thing ever.

Apart from, generally, New Zealand.