Also Whales! Also seals! Also!

Yeah I know this is what you've been waiting for.

Woo!

Oh yes. You beauty.

The sperm whale is a strange and incredible creature. It can dive down to over 1.5km underwater (while the greatest human submarines can only manage about 400m). Its nostrils are at the end of its very long nose, rather than on top of its head like other whales (resulting in a very complex nasal apparatus - imaging being a whale ENT surgeon.) It swims around with a head full of sperm  oil. It is highly poetic. And it is a force of nature. Even the females are mind-bogglingly huge, and watching it from the boat - hello, fellow mammal! - had a hint of the surreal that this incredible animal and I are in the same class. 

Yes, whales.

Later.

***

First, to pick off where we left off, we were making our way to Nelson. On our way from Nelson to Blenheim, we had passed through the Nelson Lakes, and on our way back, we drove along the sunshiny coast. Before I go on, I must share Nelson Lakes with you: another small part of yet more incredible landscape (how is New Zealand so chocablock full of these?), we stopped at Lake Rotoiti and admired the calmness of the water. I love how a single duck leaves a wake so long - 

We got there just before a gaggle of schoolchildren. Imagine going to school in New Zealand! With this!

I bet they didn't appreciate it enough.

***

Another amusing thing happened on our way down: we got pulled over by a car proclaiming a 'wide load' was coming through on the state highway...

Me: "What's coming?"

Them: "Aw, a house mate*!"

Me: "!!!"

(* to clarify: not a housemate, mate. A house, mate.)

Turns out, it was not a figure of speech.

A house!

A house being carried down the state highway!

There are so many things that are Only In New Zealandish about that that I can't even start.

***

Speaking of Only in New Zealand...

In one of the little tiny grocery stores in one of the little tiny villages - a grocery store which sells almost nothing but fishing bait, dehydrated foods, basic toiletries and bread - we found this on the shelf.

Yes, where space is sorely limited for produce and this is the only grocery shop for miles around, the most important things to stock are the ingredients for Kiwi Dip. Reduced cream. Dried packet onion soup. In case you didn't believe me. There it is. Documentary evidence. People buy this stuff. They mix it together. And they eat that shit. And they LOVE IT.

See? Kiwis. Mad.

***

So we drove down and around the windy coast, through to Nelson. We stopped in on Hoglund Glass Gallery along the way to search for a glass kiwi we had seen in Queenstown but had dithered about buying. It was beautiful - 'like colour therapy' - and they also had an amazing video showing how the glass was blown there.  They blow glass during the spring, and Easter through to summer, and if you are ever in that part of the world it is well worth going to. Spectacular pieces, and incredible colours. It really is therapy. Perhaps we can persuade the NHS to invest in a room? I'm sure it would make everyone much much happier just to have a gaze. 

Nelson is the littlest city, cute as a button, and situated in its own weather bowl - you can literally see the clouds approaching, take a halt, and then edge casually around the harbour as if they had always been going to do that (like a herd of cats...) As a result, it is the sunniest place in New Zealand. Incidentally, it also harbours the first rugby field in New Zealand - a mighty cultural relic indeed - and the exact geographical centre, a centre on top of a hill that we managed to huff up in 25 minutes of very fast climbing indeed, after someone at the bottom claimed it's 'a quick 10 minuter, mate'.

and there it is. 

I have noticed that a New Zealand 10 minutes of 'easy' physical activity inevitably means about 20 minutes of intense labour while a UK 10 minutes usually means about 7. An US version, on the other hand, seems to mean about 2 minutes, but only if you've got severe asthma and only one leg, otherwise 1. 

I'm sure this means something, besides my tendency to offensively generalise between nations.

***

Tim's godfather, Carl, lives in Nelson, and took us around for the day, including a quick wander through the Nelson museum, which he enjoyed thoroughly (exclamations of 'gosh!' and 'well fancy that!' - I do like going to a museum with someone properly enthusiastic - and also, a propos of nothing, 'The Queen. She's doing fantastically for 84. I don't think much of Charles though' followed us throughout the museum.) 

Before that, we visited Nelson's model village (and a spot of beer tasting - see above, which Carl thoroughly approved of "proper beer here, you see"). Nelson is really made for pootling about in, pottering and generally not doing very much, and so that is what we did for much of the day, walking along the beach and doing very little and enjoying the last of the autumn sun.

In the evening, Carl's lovely wife, Inga, cooked us an exceptional meal, during which Carl talked generally about New Zealand ('well, I never would have imagined you coming here, Tim. Did they just send you a letter saying, 'do you fancy it?' and you just said, 'all right?' Tim: "well..it was a bit more complicated than that..."), Golden Bay  and his 'cottage' there (a 4 bedroomed, 3 bathroomed house...), and the Queen again ('Doing so fantastically for 85.')  

Later that evening, Tim went for a choir rehearsal with Carl, which sounded pretty good. I fell asleep on the sofa, to be awakened when Carl returned with 'the gang' for a drinks party - a lot of very pleasant Kiwis and some former Brits who stood around and advised us generally about medicine, life, singing, marriage (Carl: "You'll soon learn to obey her in everything. She who must be obeyed! Ho ho!") and, inevitably the Queen again (Carl: "She's an incredible woman, for 86.") We slept very well in Carl's guest room (Carl: "Do you need a hottie in bed with you?" Me: "It's ok Carl, I have Tim." Carl: "Oh, well, he is a hottie isn't he?") and the next day reluctantly set off to Kaikoura, to see the baby seals.

Well, not that reluctantly, because of the baby seals. But otherwise, reluctantly.

***

The Kaikoura peninsula ('Kai' - eat: 'koura' - crayfish. Though we did not eat any crayfish for it was fricking expensive) is a wildlife haven, full of seals and whales and dolphins and the works, really. The drive down there was spectacularly beautiful, as always: another part of New Zealand framed by mountain and sea:

Oh, you.

While we were in Kaikoura, we took the opportunity to go whale watching, something I must recommend if you are ever in the area. (I keep on doing this. As if you might 'just be in the area', casually. Well, here's hoping.) We saw 5 whales, and they were incredible. It was a calm sea, and a very exciting race to find them - there was someone on the boat to sight them, someone to listen using an underwater sonographer, and then a breakneck dash to try and see them. They seemed totally un bothered by the boat, and we stayed a good distance away. And they were just lovely. Classic.

Before we set off, the organisers did mention sea sickness quite a few times. I thought they were over-egging it slightly, but apparently not, as fully 1/3 to 1/2 of the people on the boat were remarkably seasick, so seasick they were totally unable to actually whale watch, instead lying about inside, looking pale and interesting, and vomiting loudly and continuously into paper bags. I bet the stewards did not think they were signing up for this kind of thing when they got a job in whale watching. What's more, as it was a marine reserve, you're not allowed to throw anythign overboard - so you can't be sick outside. Luckily, Tim and I escaped, though being surrounded by 20 retching Indians (it did seem to be the Indians predominantly affected on our trip, strangely) was a surreal and not entirely pleasant experience. I'm sure it was worse for them.

****

After the whales, we caught the last few minutes of sun to drive up and see the baby seals, which are numerous around Kaikoura but especially in an area called Ohau Point. They which were incredible. They swim up from the ocean in May, and come and live in this little glade in the forest, under the waterfall, where 100s of them swim, and play, and playfight. In the words of the whale watchers - 'they have no fear', and they either ignore you or they come very close and try and eat your coat.

They. Are. Adorable.

Tim got quite broody watching them (Tim: "do you think our children will be as cute as that?" Me: "....")

\

Ohau Point isn't in Lonely Planet, and I would urge you all to go there if you are in the area (ha! just happened to be dropping by...) I wondered why it wasn't in Lonely Planet, and one of the Kiwis told me that maybe it was because people didn't want to draw attention to places like this because people still go around killing baby seals, just as they go around killing keas, which strikes me as desperately sad. 

But if you want to go, you know where it is.

(Hush hush)

They were so cute in fact that next morning we got up at the crack of dawn to go back and watch them again.
And it rained a little bit for the first time on our holiday.
There we go! Rain.

And on coming home, I have swung straight back into nights again. I feel quite like a strange, nocturnal animal by now. But only 3 more nights - and then.....dare I hope....might these be my last set of nights ever?

xxx Connie